Record of Ludus War: Chronicles of the Idiots
by Aberrant Bliss
Summary: An account of what happened in Lodoss, only It's a bit...Messed up! Discontinued.
1. Introduction

**_Record of Ludus War_**

To the south of Alecrast lies an accursed island called Ludus,

Run by a princess high priestess.

She has some problems, though.

Her name is Sheesh.

The Priestess Princess Sheesh was waiting in her throne room. Just then, the door opened. Corn the free knight came rushing in, along with Seen-it, an elf.

"Princess-Priestess..."

"Yo, dawg, it's PRIESTESS PRINCESS SHEESH!"

"Yeah, whatever. The dragon, Snooping Star, is attacking southern Shame, and he is mad. King Peanut needs your help."

"Yeah, so?" Sheesh said, looking at her nails. She was sitting on the throne with one leg draped over the side. "Whaddaya wan' me ta do 'bout it?"

"Uh, you could just send an army after. I've seen it before where they did that." said Seen-It.

"Yo, I jest use holy magic, not send no them-there arme'."

"Fine, Nearest, Kane, Weewia and Orphan will just have to come with us."

"I'm sure they'll agree, I've seen them do it before."

"Oh, and Car can come too."

"Bring mae' a ho' dawg while yer atit."

"Whatever, your Highness."

"Wid musterd!"

"Sure, I've seen one of them before!" said Seen-It.

* * *

Ok, In case you haven't figured it out:

Corn- Parn

Kane- Slayn

Sheesh- Neese

Weewia- Leylia

Seen-It- Deedlit

Orphan- Orson

King Peanut- King Kashue

Shame- Flaim

Nearest- Shiris

Car- Maar

I kinda strayed from the plot of Lodoss War, but I meant to do that!!!!!!


	2. The Dragon

Chapter two

Wow, It's been a while!

Corn and Seen-it stepped out of the throne room.

"If we take horses, we should reach King Peanut's kingdom by Nightfall."

"Oh! Let's go now! It can't wait to see him again!" Seen-it was so happy she actually somehow managed to summon a behemoth, and it tore down the whole castle.

"Oops, Let's…go now!" they ran as fast as possible to their trusty steeds and rode in to the day.

"So, Corn, have you seen Snooping Star?"

"No."

"He is a dragon. I've seen him before."

"Wait." Corn stopped his horse, "You mean to tell me that the dragon Snooping Star is a DRAGON?"

"Yeah, not many people know that. He sneaks around most of the time, that's where he got his name."

"WOW." Corn looked. "Who would've guessed." He said as he pushed his horse further again. "I mean, it's not all exactly implied when you hear his name, you know?"

"I see." They had pleasant conversations until they reached the Kingdom of Shame.


	3. Meeting Spark

Upon their arrival, a little boy with blue hair came up to them. He stared with wide, eerie eyes at them, until Corn finally said:

"Can I help you?"

"UUUH… Me Spark. Me knight in training. You cool. You free knight. Horses are pretty. Two plus two is ten."

"Have you seen our horses? I see you like them so much…"

"You elf. Elf stupid. Corn free knight. He has sword. Boom boom, thump dead goes elves."

"I've never seen such an inconsiderate, STUPID boy…"

"Calm down, Seen-it. He obviously just wants my autograph." He said, showing a conceited smile. "Is that it?"

"YEAH! YEAH!!!" the boy shouted. Corn took a piece of paper and a pencil from nowhere. "How old are you kid?"

"Me twenty-teen." He said, holding up ten fingers.

"Oh, so you're ten?"

"Ya, me ten."

" OK. To Spark, from Corn, the strongest, bravest, toughest, most athletic…"

"I think he's seen enough, Corn." She said, pulling him by the ear. "Now, you, run along with your stupid autograph that I have had the displeasure to see and witness be written."

"STUPID ELF! When me big you go bye-bye! Boom boom crash go you head with me sword!" he said, running off.

"I've seen smarter boys."

"What, he wasn't that stupid, he at least knows a hero when he sees one." He said, making muscular poses.

"Whatever, lets go see King Peanut before I barf." She said, mounting her horse.

"COOL!" Corn skipped to his horse. "We get to visit Mr. Peanut! Maybe he'll beat me in a spar again! Boy, I look forward to the day!"

"_I've seen_ _you have better days…_" Seen-it muttered.


	4. Meeting Snooping Star

Uh...CHAPTER FOUR! Thanks for the reviews!

* * *

Within the hour, they were at King Peanut's Castle. As soon as they walked in the throne room, King Peanut saw them and ran over to them.

"Yeah! It is Corn, the wonderful FREE knight!"

"King Peanut!"

"Corn!" They ran and hugged each other. After a few seconds, Peanut held corn back at arm's length, and took a good look at him. Then he hugged him again, his face on the other side. He held him back again, a proud look on his face like he was his father, and hugged him again, only with his face on the other side. He repeated the process. After a few times, Seen-it got impatient.

"Corn." Penut did it again. "King Peanut." Peanut did it again. "Corn!" Peanut did it again. "KING PEANUT!"

"Yes?"

"I KNOW you haven't seen each other in a while, BUT LOOK!"

"What is it, Seen-it?"

"IT'S SNOOPING STAR!"

"What's he doing here?" Peanut asked as he turned around. A big, red dragon was sitting on the dais.

"Snoopin'. Whatcha think I wus doin'?"

"Going to eat us." Corn said.

"Yeh, wull I dunno why yus woul' thank that, thaz why I wus named SNOOPIN' STAR."

"Correction. The last time I saw, you were named SnoopING Star." Seen-it said matter-of-factly.

"Yeh? Wut eva. Do yuz wanna tea or so'um'?"

"No, thank yuz, I mean you." Peanut said.

"Corn?"

"Yes, Seen-it?"

"I see he is about to blow." She said, pointing at Snooping Star.

"WHATDYA MEAN YEH DUN' WANT NO TEA? I ASKED YUZ AN' YUZ GO ALL 'I DUN WAN' NO TEA!' YEH KNOW HOW THAD MAKES MEH FEEL?"

"I'm sorry if we hurt your feelings, Mister Snooping Star."

"ME SPARK! ME WANT DRAGON FOR DINNER!" Spark ran into the room with a bokken he somehow got (That's a wooden sword) and hit Snooping Star on the head.

"Yo, kid. I'ma S.S. Call meh S.S. Yur a kewl kid, yeh know dat?"

"SPARK COOL?"

"Yeh, Spark cool. Thaz yeh name, righ'?"

"YEAH YEAH!"

"Doo yuz wanna come wid meh to muh cave?"

"YEAH YEAH!"

"NO! Spark! Don't go! He'll eat you!"

"Relax, man. I dun wanna eat no dem dere SPARK. Bud I migh' use 'im ta SPARK muh fire, if yuz know whad I mean."

"You're going to use him for kindling?"

"Maybeh."

"NO! SPARK!"

"See yuz."

"BYE BYE FREE KNIGHT CORN!"

"NNNNNNNNOOOOOOOO!"

"Good riddance, I've certainly seen better boys."


End file.
